


Advice From a Dormouse: the Very Difference Between Butter and Marmalade

by bootshivers, DarkwingSnark



Series: BTAS Ask-Blog Universe [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Alice Pleasance - Freeform, Gen, Jonathan Crane - Freeform, M/M, RP based, also by mention:, friends conversing over tea, selina kyle - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 05:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18732724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bootshivers/pseuds/bootshivers, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkwingSnark/pseuds/DarkwingSnark
Summary: Jervis Tetch finds himself twisted into knots over a puzzle he can't seem to crack. And when dealing with puzzles, one finds themselves in the home of the Prince of all Puzzlers: Edward Nygma.





	Advice From a Dormouse: the Very Difference Between Butter and Marmalade

**Author's Note:**

> While one doesn't need to know nor follow the blogs in question, it may help to know this is all based on RPing that's been happening on tumblr. Main players are [https://askthemadhatter.tumblr.com/](Ask%20the%20Mad%20Hatter) and [https://riddlesandqueries.tumblr.com/](Riddles%20and%20Queries), with [https://questioncatwoman.tumblr.com/](Question%20Catwoman) and [https://askthescarecrow.tumblr.com/](Ask%20The%20Scarecrow) being heavily referred to as well.

Jervis Tetch was a bundle of nerves, sitting in the back of a cab as he watched the world roam by. Wrapped up in jacket, white trilby sitting comfortably upon his head, the Englishman did his best not to fret. The cab driver had tried a few times to start a conversation with him, but every time it had ended with the sudden silence of not having much to say-- even the mundania of idle prattling seeming a bit too much to bare.

Jervis felt practically ridiculous by the mere notion of it. Him, being nervous? Whatever for? It was just a simple visit of a friend, nothing more grand than that! Edward Nygma was a charming individual, and while sometimes his games and teasing could be a bit too much for the likes of him… Well, there was a reason he was the Dormouse in his cast of characters, after all. Edward was someone who could be trusted, someone who could easily take away all anxieties with the rhythmic pattern and lilt of his tones alone.

And yet… Jervis knew this wasn’t merely a simple visit between friends. There was a reason, an intent for the visit. Something he needed to discuss, and as the Riddler was the smartest man he knew, it seemed more than logical to come to him with his… well,  _ puzzle _ , he supposed.

All thoughts along these lines were put on hold, however, by the gruff articulation of the cab driver up front.

“Hey Mac, jus’ bout t’ Lark. Y’got a number we should be looking out fer?”

Jervis looked outside his window, seeing the sign of ‘Lark Boulevard’ coming upon them. The knots inside of him began to coil tighter, despite the smile he wore. 

“Ah, I’m sure you’ll notice it quite easily, my good sir. It’ll be the only home sporting a lovely shade of green.”

“Green, fer a house?” The cab driver asked, incredulously. “This guy one of them eccentric types, or somethin’?”

This caused the Englishman’s beam to become a bit more genuine.

“Mmm, I suppose you could say that. It comes hand in hand with someone of his intellect and caliber, I’m afraid.” Although, Jervis didn’t see anything  _ outlandish _ about enjoying a little color in one’s life. That, however, was put on hold as he spotted just the place they were looking for. “Oh! That’ll be it, right there.”

The cab pulled up the drive, the Hatter pulling himself out from the vehicle, making his way to the driver’s side of the door to pay. A quick conversation about if he would be allowed to call upon him again later by name, should Tetch call the company, was met with both ‘Carl’ and a promise that he would be happy to retrieve him. Jervis waved the man off, his smile only slipping once the cab pulled away, leaving him alone in Gotham’s suburbia.

“ _ Well, there’s no going back now, _ ” the Englishman mumbled to himself, as he made his way up the little cement path to the doorway. Upon reaching the front porch, he did a quick one over, making sure everything was in place and that he looked presentable, before pressing the doorbell. The door chimed, and Jervis Tetch removed his hat as he patiently waited for his presence to become known.

 

* * *

 

Cucumber sandwiches, their angles cut precisely with the aid of a protractor. Tea: English Breakfast, steeped to temperature and well-timed, to be poured fresh upon the guest’s arrival. Nevermind that he himself was a coffee man.

As he finished plating his tea tray, tidying crumbs, Edward made sure to primp in a mirror with a smirk: what was the point of a social call, if not the effort of a good presentation? It was a matter of respect to the guest and his home alike to go through such efforts; why, what would the neighbors think if he didn’t?

At that, he chuckled fondly: as if his neighbors had ever had a thought in their lives that wasn’t spoon-fed to them through propaganda and advertising. Those poor fools honestly upgraded their hedge trimmers annually: who could stand such a thing as suburban monotony? And how could he have ever bought into it for so long? Gracious.

Thankfully, he’d found a much more compelling crowd, rather than festering in the drudgery of normative culture, a member of which who’d  _ appreciate _ the extra effort presently attending.

At the sound of his doorbell, Edward straightened his tie, and dashed away the idea of wearing Mickey Mouse ears as he strode to the door, answering with a smile.    
  
“Jervis! Just in time for tea.” He stepped back, making way. “Please, come in.”

“Edward,” Jervis greeted, making his way inside. He began stripping himself of his coat to hang neatly onto the wooden coat rack close by the entrance- his gaze momentarily linger onto the arsenic green wallpaper with approval. Tetch carried on with his conversing. “Thank you so much for seeing me upon such short notice. While I usually prefer to call a week or more in advance, this felt… well, a bit more on the urgent side of things.” 

Perhaps not in the meaning of it being dire, but the matter would have eaten away at the Englishman nonetheless.

Jervis paused in his ramblings to give his host a look over-- the short sleeve and bow-tie combo looking quite fetching on his friend.

“Oh, _where are my manners!_ You’re looking very dapper, Dormouse. Spring is a good look on you!”

“Oh, no, there’s no trouble in short notice: you booked more than an hour in advance, that’s plenty of time for me. It’s only a trifle if, say...it’s immediate, and the police are involved.” Edward chuckled, showing him in. The house itself looked very nice, in the way that a magazine photograph might. Untouched, pristine, but a cheerful sign of life in the tea tray perched on the coffee table. What a spread! Cucumber sandwiches on toast, a small plate of homemade Jaffa cakes, and a charming quilted cozy over a surely warm pot of tea. Creamer, sugar cubes, and even proper porcelain cups in a matching set.

Edward offered Jervis a seat on the couch, and took an armchair for himself (matched set, mauve with oak settings), and began pouring tea. “Help yourself to whatever fetches your fancy, Hatter: personal matters need personal comforts.”

Jervis sat gingerly onto the sofa, very pleased by both the setup and reception. (A part of him couldn’t help the nostalgia that washed over him as he thought of his birthplace, and how the practice of tea time wasn’t as common place in the Colonies.) He thanked his friend as he accepted his cup, adding sugar and creamer to his liking. 

“Your home looks just as lovely as ever, Edward. I’m surprised that such a handsome abode could come from your current salary.” Not that he knew the figures, that wasn’t any of the Englishman’s business. Still… Tetch found curiosity winning out in the end. 

“Oh,  _ I  _ didn’t buy it: it was set up by my current employer. I just gave them the specifics for an ideal work-from-home environment: I don’t get out much, so I’d might as well have it furnished how I’d like it.” Edward chuckled softly. “I don’t get out much, as is the way with parole...but at the very least, it’s a very pretty cage.” That, he reasoned, should suffice as an explanation: both for why, and how he feels about it.

He himself took a cucumber sandwich, and a single Jaffa cake. His tea: only a splash of cream. Edward sat back, one leg crossed ankle to knee as he settled in with his nibbles. “Now...I imagine we’re dealing something of an urgent matter, if it calls for short notice. Tell me, Jervis, what’s on your mind that’s so pressing that it calls for my kind of outside consultation? Planning something, trying to solve a hitch in a plan? Not that I’m put out any by this, but I  _ am _ dearly curious.”

“Oh nono, nothing work related, my dear. I would have sent a message by fish or frog if that was the case.” A ridiculous notion, but the very idea of it was enough to please the Carroll fan inside of him. Hatter’s mood sobered some as he looked bashfully into his drink-- eyes fixed on his dark beige reflection. “No, as I said,  _ it’s personal in nature. _ As it involves others within our circle, that leaves very few I would feel comfortable conferring with. You recall the discussion within the group chat last night, correct? And Ms. Kyle’s colorful commentary?”

Jervis, at the very least, couldn’t forget it. Selina Kyle was a woman of her own special talents, and one of the people among the rogues gallery that he felt comfortable around. The downside of their companionship being that she was a very  _ brash _ individual-- with a habit of speaking her mind,  _ whether others were ready to hear it. _ This left for some very amusing anecdotes, however… It also tended to lend itself to Catwoman sharing too much about her escapades. And her jesting about future conquests.

The previous evening had been one of such occasions.

Edward couldn’t resist an eyeroll, so he indulged in it as he sipped his tea, scowling into the lip of the cup. “How could I forget, as everyone’s possible dirty laundry was put on parade regardless of audience, permission, or comfort? It was embarrassing to watch a grown woman act like a middle-schooler, worse yet for everyone under the proverbial microscope.”

He sighed, setting down his cup. “Don’t tell me she’s actually gone and overstepped  _ your _ bounds now.” His own had been trod on many a time, but he counted himself a bit more...resilient, than Jervis. Each of them had their own ways of fighting back, but for the life of him, he couldn’t have done it as gently. He found it admirable to try, certainly, but not something he was built for. (Besides, if he was going to spend his time playing nice, it wasn’t going to be for someone who refused to address things  _ correctly _ .)

“I can talk to her, if you’d like. She really doesn’t have the right to leave this kind of wake.”

The idea of Nygma coming to his defense, while flattering, was enough to cause Jervis’ eyes to open very wide upon hearing this.

“Nono,  _ that’s quite alright. _ I do believe that’s a battle I should be the one confronting. I know she means no real harm by it all.” Even if his own sensibilities wished for Selina to cut back at least a little, _ lest he perish one of these days from mortification alone! _ “No, I find myself… puzzled, by how I felt last night upon hearing this. Usually Ms. Kyle’s games are just that-- her way of getting a rise out of me. And I know my part to play: when to be the  _ fuddy-duddy _ she claims me to be.”

Jervis had been smiling at recollecting that aspect of the conversation, and the airs of indignation he gave over it. Still, it didn’t last long, as his thoughts came back to the trouble at hand.

“While I’m never a fan of hearing about such personal matters, nor when the quips are aimed at  **my** person, I put up with it. Mostly because, despite it not being my cup of tea, I  **do** find her Cheshire Grins quite endearing. Dr. Quinzel also has that effect on me, I noticed.” 

Ah, beautiful women and their infectious smiles: a vice that will forever be his downfall. 

“Still… I noticed, unlike many other occasions, I felt particularly disturbed last night. And for whatever reason I can’t begin to fathom, it’s been eating away at me. While I know your knowledge comes from the academic, dear Dormouse, I find you to be a good judge of character and motivations. Would you at all be willing to help me piece together why I’m out of sorts? I don’t wish for this to color my future interactions with Ms. Kyle. When it’s all said and done, I  **DO** happen to enjoy her company.”

“A strange stance to take, regarding a woman with the consideration for others’ delicacies rivalling a toddler recently gifted with a porcelain doll, but by all means, I’ll help you put the puzzle together.” Edward snorted into his tea, setting aside the cup in favour of a cucumber sandwich. “Lay out the pieces, and we’ll soon have them in order: did something she said in  _ particular _ bother you? And if so, what kind of bother: insult, doubt, presumption, etcetera? I can’t build a house without bricks.”

That was a very fair stance on the matter. So Hatter did as the King of Hearts would have advised: begin at the beginning.

“ _ ‘I’ll tell thee everything I can: there’s little to relate’ _ .” Jervis recited, after taking a sip of his tea more so for the sake of it. “I suppose I was particularly perturbed by bringing Jonathan into her games, and the insistence of targeting him. It’s one thing when she was jumping across the board, as it were, trying to pick at us all one by one. Yet, it’s another matter  _ entirely _ when she focuses in on us individually. I can’t help but feel as if we truly are back on the playgrounds, snickering and teasing at a person’s expense.”

At this Tetch paused, more so to correct himself.

“Not that the man can’t hold his own.  _ Master of Fear _ , and all that. Just it was twice yesterday that Ms. Kyle was  _ digging her claws  _ into him, as it were. First with accusing him of having been the one that pilfered your orange juice.” At this the Englishman paused, giving his host a pointed look just recalling the game alone. “And then again that evening, that time coming at him with her precarious ploys. The man has enough trouble batting away women online, he needn’t have friends getting in on the act as well.”

Edward batted his eyes, a precocious look twinkling in his gaze above a ‘who, me?’ smirk as he inwardly reveled in the previous day’s mayhem. He couldn’t help himself, really. It was just so much fun, and nobody was actually hurt...though it did reveal some interesting personality facets among his friend group. Trust was a sweet prospect, but nothing was as reliable as evidence of action in a no-stakes confrontation.

“She really does like to try and go for him when he does speak up, it’s true.” Edward agreed. “Peculiar, too. Does she think he’s an easy target, I wonder, for some reason or another? If so, I wouldn’t call him a typical target for her usual hunting tactics. He’s not charmed by her, he isn’t easily swayed by flattery, and he falls silent to her sexual mockery.”

Another nibble as he thinks, then… “Are you worried about him?”

“ _ Worried? _ No…” Jervis stopped, brows furrowed as he considered the idea a little longer. “At least, not more than usual. As I said, I know in a battle of wits, Jonathan can hold his own and needn’t have me coming to his defense; I am no White Knight, after all. And yet… I feel I must say  _ something _ ? It feels amiss to let her get away speaking ill of him when what she’s saying  _ simply isn’t true.  _ Or worse, to attempt turning him into some specticle because of sheer boredom on her part. The man deserve more respect than that!”

Hatter sighed, setting down his tea as he went to retrieve one of the cucumber sandwiches from the plate they were resting on. He fiddled with it momentarily, more so looking at it with contemplation as he tried to work through his own feelings on the matter.

“...Perhaps I need to say something simply because we’ve been flatmates for some time now? I imagine it must be hard to not grow attentive over another’s needs when you become used to consider their wants at all hours. I grew up an only child, you know, so I never had to keep an eye on such things before. It’s a very new experience for me.”

Edward hummed, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as he considered this. “So...you’d like to come to his defense when he’s spoken to like that.” he clarified, brows raised. “Understandable, as a common response to bullying is to ignore the maltreatment in hopes that it’ll blow over: by all means, his behaviour screams ‘defense mechanism’.”

It was no secret that Dr Crane was prime bullying material: he had the build, the look, the posture, and everyone had seen what Bolton had done. Almost like a personal vendetta, that one, as if Jonathan was his least favourite.

“Have you asked him, in private, how he feels about Selina’s antics? I’d imagine that he’d fear gas her house if he was  _ properly _ riled up by her lies or mockery, but perhaps he’s trying to be considerate for some reason? It seems unusual for him to be so tolerant, considering his usual temperament.”

That… was true, he supposed. While Tetch had sensed a few times Crane was angered by Catwoman’s antics, the man usually kept his opinions tight lipped and to himself. The previous evening, however… had been different. Jervis could clearly recall the other man’s twinkle of mischief as the Englishman ranted for some time about the subject. He had seemed quite the opposite of vexed-- in fact, Jonathan Crane seemed  _ downright pleased _ .

“I discussed the subject last night with him, and while usually he seems to be keeping his exasperation to himself…” Here Jervis locked eyes with Edward, confusion very much evident on his features. “It was a different matter entirely the following evening. He seemed downright  **pleased** the more I fussed about the topic. To the point he said something along the lines of finding it  **‘FLATTERING’!** ” 

It was all rather paradoxical, if he was to think about it for too long. The idea that Hatter should be the one angered by the jesting more so than the man in question. Still… one didn’t spend some time with another without picking up a thing or two about them. And it had been something to note that the more perturbed Jervis was, the happier his flatmate seemed to be.

“Except, you know, I don’t quite believe what he was saying was true. I can’t help but get the idea he was more amused simply because  **I** was getting worked up over the matter as much as I was, and  **not** because he’d consider  _ courting Ms. Kyle. _ ”

Tetch frowned at this, but was quick to hide it as he went for his tea once more.

“Still, it doesn’t seem to have an iota of logic, that. The idea of being upset for another when the person themselves don’t seem to care nearly as much.”

... _ Oh _ .

“Flattered, huh?” he said, keeping his tone neutral (though unable to hide the beginnings of a smirk in the corner of his lips). “So you were upset that he was getting picked on about assumptions of his sex life, and he found it flattering, have I got this right?”

He hides his delight in a Jaffa cake. Oh goodness, on the surface, this was turning out  _ quite _ interesting. He hadn’t imagined this twist at all!

“And, on top of that, you were getting worked up over the idea of him having relations with Selina. Just to have my facts st-...arranged.”

Jervis looked over at the man quizzically. 

“That seems like an oversimplification of the events in question, Edward, but I suppose that’s  _ nearly  _ the case.” It was then that Hatter’s eyes shot open, as his mind suddenly processed the latter half of what his friend had said. “Except I wouldn’t say I was worked up over the IDEA of them having relations!  _ Heavens _ , they’re both people I care about! Why in the world would I be… be  **BOTHERED** by two dear friends getting along with each other,  _ romantically speaking _ ?”

Apart from the fact, as the words were coming from his mouth, it quickly dawned on Jervis that it  **WAS** the case. He  **WAS** very much upset by the mere notion of that possibly being a thing that could happen, and it was enough to make the man do a double take at the sudden flush of feelings. Jervis blinked wildly, almost forgetting he wasn’t alone, as his lips were pursed in a perplexed ‘oh’ position.

“Oh, I… I suppose I might be at least a  _ little  _ bothered by the notion,  _ yes. _ ” Jervis mumbled more to himself than anyone else. Still, that didn’t make  **SENSE** to him. There truly wasn’t a reason to be upset. Why, he cared for them both very deeply--  _ Hatter could admit that much to himself. _ Selena Kyle was a charming woman, but not someone he ever felt fanciful inclinations for. She… was sweet, in her own way. Someone he enjoyed listening  _ to _ , not talking  _ with _ . And while the Englishman  **had** taken offense the time she said that dating him felt ‘gross’--  _ her words, not his _ \-- he hadn’t ever personally dreamt of pursuing her. They had their rapport, and Jervis was more than pleased to keep things where they were.

And Jonathan, well. He was Jonathan. What more was there to say?

The double take, the gawk...the man’s had a revelation! Excellent! Now they were getting progress. He’d been through enough therapy sessions to lead a conversation, step by step.

Edward grinned slightly, finishing his treat before speaking. “Now we’re getting somewhere, Jervis. Now...what part of that, in particular, do you find bothersome about the idea of Selina and Jonathan having a romantic relationship? It doesn't have to be big, we’re not looking to quantify feelings here, just getting names on them.”

Jervis tried his best to follow along, grasping at whatever straws he could.

“I… don’t feel it has anything to do with their age gap. It’s even shorter than what was between Al-- ah,  _ between people  _ **_I’ve_ ** _ fancied before _ . So I wouldn’t have any place to judge.” So with that, Hatter mentally pushed that aside as he attempted to carry on. “Surely you aren’t implying I’d be  **jealous** of the two entering a relationship? Ms. Kyle isn’t… well… “ The Englishman’s lips came together into a line of displeasure. “Our feelings for one another are very much mutual:  _ in that they are to remain  _ **_platonic_ ** _. _ ”

“For the best, if she’s going to keep stepping on your toes when you aren’t even dancing.” Edward scoffed sipping his tea for a moment. “But you’ve said so much about Selina, it’s pretty clear where you stand on your feelings about her. How about Jonathan? Has he shown any interest in her? The man’s acerbic at the best of times: I think I’d remember him tossing praise her way… In fact, toward anyone. And he’s been a good room-mate to  _ you _ , as I understand it: doesn’t use you for experiments, lets you buy him clothes...that’s downright  _ genial _ from such a private man.”

“Actually, now that you mention it… I don’t believe he has said anything except harsh words towards her.” It was strange how the realization brought Jervis a sense relief. “Not that he should be speaking ill towards her as much as he does. ‘ _ “You should learn not to make personal remarks,” Alice said with some severity; “it’s very rude.” _ ’ And Ms. Kyle doesn’t deserve  **all that.** ”

Feeling more at ease the more he thought over just how much Crane seemed to have enmity towards Catwoman, the Englishman allowed himself to speak with a bit more pep about his companion.

“Although, I should say Jonathan is far more cordial than you’re giving him credit of. He’s said plenty of pleasant things to **me** \-- and his manners are impeccable.” Say what you like about his desire to tease him so, but Jonathan Crane was a perfect gentleman in his own right. Always saying ‘ _ please _ ’ and ‘ _ thank you _ ’, and being more than appreciative of the things Jervis did for him. “And it helps we have much to converse about--  _ even if I don’t always agree about his tastes in literature. _ ”

The Englishman hummed to himself, finally realizing how silly it was for him to have been upset at all. And it was this thought he voiced to the friend currently hosting him.

“You know, Edward, I don’t think Jonathan would enjoy spending so much time with Ms. Kyle. Or  **her** with  **him** , for that matter. Why… what would they even  **talk** about? The week we stayed at her penthouse, he was so miserable he begged for us to leave!” All semblance of a grin fell from the Hatter’s face as realization of what he admitted struck him. “Ah,  _ excuse me _ , I wasn’t supposed to mention that part.  _ Do be kind and forget I said it. _ ”

Edward smiled fondly, refreshing his tea for a warm-up. “I don’t get to mingle with him much: I only have so much of a chance to hear a word in the group conversations.” The cheery tone had been noticed, oh yes.

He then craned his neck, peeking at Jervis’ cup before offering up the pot for a second cup.”It sounds to me like Jonathan likes  _ you _ , and doesn’t like  _ her _ , given all of that. It says a lot when you two have been happily cohabitating for months when a week at her place was...well, I’ve forgotten.” Ever the gentleman, after all.

Tetch closed his eyes and nodded, both from receiving the reprieve he asked for, as well as agreeing to a fillup. Jervis held his cup outward as Edward poured.

“ _ Thank you _ , and yes. I would say we get along very well; it’s been a frabjuous time, I must admit.” Here the Englishman took a moment to fix his tea to his liking once more. “And just so you know, Edward, before carrying onto anything else: he speaks highly of you and your wit. Jonathan has mentioned many a time being entertained by your commentary in the group chat. I know he ended up leaving the table the last time you were over for tea time, but he assures me he merely needed the fresh air. I believe the bigger crowds overwhelm him:  _ easier for him to handle when it’s just he and I, you see. _ ”

_ Well. _

Edward smiles, as satisfied as can be, by such high praise. It’s no secret that he respects Dr Crane, and having his approval is a finer reward than money could buy.

“ _ Thank you _ for letting me know about that. I like to think that my impression of his is abundantly clear, but if there’s ever any doubt, know that I would, in fact, consider him excellent company.” With a sip of his tea, Edward smiled over the lip. “He feels better when it’s just the two of you, does he? What do  _ you _ make of that, Jervis? Is that in his words?”

At this line of inquiry, Jervis found himself hesitating.

“I, well…  _ not in  _ **_HIS_ ** _ words, no. _ ” Hatter admitted, finding that the confidence and conviction he held before was beginning to slip-- his gaze no longer able to stay on Edward’s. “That is just the general sense of things I’ve picked up on. You said so yourself, he  _ is _ a private man. I’m almost positive if it weren’t for my own pushing and prodding, Jonathan wouldn’t do nearly half the interactions he’s been engaged in.” 

At this Jervis straightened in his seat, eyebrows practically shooting off his face as he whipped himself back towards Nygma’s direction. 

“You don’t suppose I’m being **TOO** militant about it, do you? _Too pushy and intrusive?_ You’d suppose he’d **say** something if he was upset by it, correct? I merely thought… Well, leaving the factory every once in a while to socialize with friends is what one **should** do. And I enjoy having Jonathan nearby even when out and about with others. Again, _one grows comfortable after spending so much time together,_ after all.”

"Jervis, for as long as I've been aware of Dr Crane and his infamy, I have not known him to be a shy and retiring violet in the face of personal offenses."

The man set off on a revenge plot against people who fired him for killing a student: he was really…

"Moreover, with Dr Crane, I think it's more important to read between the lines: his actions are often more telling than his words. He doesn't tolerate what he doesn't like, and if he's not shutting you out for getting him out of his nest, then logically he must not mind it. In fact, he might be comfortable spending time with you.”

It was one thing to feel like you were correct about your assumptions about another person, it was another thing entirely to hear it be confirmed by an outside source. Jervis exhaled a breath he didn’t even realized he was holding, his frame relaxing as he did so.

“ _ ‘Read between the lines’ _ , yes.” Tetch responded, bringing his cup up to his lips before taking it away again, a new thought feeling more important to quench than tea. “Then what am  ***I*** to take away from all of this? If I know the only thing he and Ms. Kyle have in common is the factor of enjoying  **my** company,” a thing the man allowed himself to take pride in, even if it was for but a moment, “  _ then why in the world was I  _ **_upset_ ** _ to begin with? _ ”

Jervis brought the lip of the cup to his mouth once more, carefully sipping as he mulled over what he felt was a glaring and most obvious skip in his logic.   _ Think Jervis,  _ **_think._ ** What factors  **HAVEN’T** been explored? Perhaps it was the Hatter’s turn to take the Dormouse’s advice and read between lines of his own. He felt relief over being reminded of the strife between his two friends, and contrariwise, he became a ranting fool over the  _ mere notion _ that they would get along enough to the point of wishing to becoming  **MORE** than acquaintances. He wasn’t resentful towards the idea of another having Selina Kyle’s heart, and in fact wished her all the best in those endeavors. (Heavens knew the woman could deal with settling down a little.)

And then there was Jonathan Crane-- a prickle of something hit him as he felt like he was getting to the heart of the matter. Yes, Jonathan was the focus. In fact, hadn’t he been for most of the conversation? What started as a complaint towards Catwoman turned towards zoning in on the Scarecrow-- what once was a talk of a kitty’s faults, quickly became praising the hare he spent all of Time with ( _ all while in the company of a rodent, no less! _ ). Edward’s own line of inquiry seemed to also be making a point-- the man, while a wonderful conversationalist, only spoke after having thoughts. And the thoughts were talk of Crane, which followed the query--  _ after a Hatter’s own fury _ \-- of why he would be upset from the chat of a promiscuous cat targeting his dear and beloved hare…

And just like a whack of the King’s gavel to sound out his verdict for all the court to hear, did Jervis suddenly find himself struck with a sudden and sickly thought. Color drained from his face, his hands beginning to shake as the Englishman could only find it in himself to voice his dread-- a faint and ominous:  _ “Oh no…” _

As Jervis steeped in his thoughts, Edward peacefully tucked into his sandwich, thoughts settling around them like dandelion seeds at the end of a breeze. Indoors, in controlled climate and nearly sterile air, and the mood of an outdoor tea party was still ambient in the afternoon sunlight, between a Hatter doing thinking more than talking (as was proper) and the Dormouse dozing in a blanket of his ideas and fancies, neatly cocooned in the tapestry of his own tales. This story, the players in it, tangled in threads that bound them to one another and still more binding them to the world, its constraints and constructs and conceit...and how he did struggle, against a tangle felt somewhere in his strings, but where from..?

Edward blinked, rousing himself from reverie as the resolution came to a rise. A revelation, a concept, an unseen twist in the road, a dropped stitch discovered two rows late.

He sets aside his sandwich, of which he'd only taken a bite. "Hm?"

“ _ You, you don’t suppose, _ ” Jervis started, his tones just as stumbling as his thoughts had been prior, as he was quick to backpedal away from them. “Nono, that’s… that’s rather **ridiculous** , I should think! The very idea, of I… and… and having, for  **HIM** ?”

Sentences went to the wayside, as Hatter did his best to make sense of the line of logic he had reached. Hatter was a man who had experienced love before, there was no denying, even if his affections for Alice Pleasance were misguided, that he had certainly felt  **SOMETHING** for her. Possessiveness, longing to spend as much time in her company as possible, the way his mind mapped and arranged every facet of knowledge he had acquired about her-- neat on shelves where he could pull them down at any time to consider, even if now the labels had a bit of covering of dust to obscure them slightly. It seemed… outlandish to think, that without knowing it, he may have been doing it for another without an inkling of realizing it.

Jervis set his tea gently on the table, despite the unsteadiness of his hands, as he looked his friend in the eyes.

“Edward…  _ you don’t think I’m fancying  _ **_Jonathan_ ** _ , do you? _ ”

Edward, not Dormouse: the game was over, the reality at play.

Click click click, the pieces fit into place. Edward held his satisfaction behind his curious look, if only to spare Jervis undue tensions. Nobody liked being caught in a way they didn't choose to present, after all, even if there's no danger at hand.

"I'll admit, it was still on the table, but usually the idea of a crush isn't met with a look of dread." Edward replied reasonably, calmly. "Is there something troubling with that notion?" 

Was there…  _ was there something  _ **_TROUBLING_ ** _ with that notion?  _ The look he gave Edward was enough to tell him that Jervis Tetch found the idea  **VERY** troubling, indeed!

“I live with him, Edward!” he cried out, waving his hands about wildly as he began to list all the very reasons he wasn’t happy with the outcome. “You know my history, you know what I’m capable of when the lines of attachment and obsession blur!” Swirling thoughts of Alice hit him, as he jumped up from his seat, wildly pacing away from where he had been sitting-- Nygma only able to watch as the Englishman went on about his passions. “This is… This is a case of setting myself up for failure! Heart break! If Alice was an unattainable sight to set on, I have clearly become Icarus destined to be _ burned into a crisp _ by the man’s  **ire** and gaze  **alone** !”

It was then Jervis stopped in his tracks, as another equally horrible realization struck him.

“ _ I’ll grow bitter! _ Brash! My own suffering causing me to lash out and  **take** what can’t be  **mine** . I  **OBSESS** , Edward! I thought I got better because I stopped thinking of  **HER** , and instead I’m just lumping it onto  **HIM.** ”

Love, Rejection, Pine, Anger, Take. They were all the steps that took place the last time Jervis Tetch had dared to grow attracted to another. While it was all something he and Dr. Leland had tried to work on the last time he was in therapy, the setting of boundaries-- of the idea that you  _ shouldn’t  _ control those you valued highly-- it didn’t mean he wouldn’t fall back into his old traps. Hatter may not like the fact, but he knew he was a  _ very sick man _ whenever it came to his wants and desires.

_ And desiring Jonathan Crane was the first step to everything ending in disaster. _

A bit of a confession there at the end, but not enough to call on...instead, focus on the summary. He might be darting back and forth, fleeing from an uncomfortable fact, but Edward wouldn't lose the scent too easily.

"So you're worried he'll end up like Alice, then...which I don't think he will, personally, as, well... **he's not Alice** . He never has been. You don't idolize him, send him gifts, you'd never card him. You know what mistakes you could make: you have a map around your own pitfalls. And you already know the man's one true love is Fear...which, by the way, he doesn't use against you."

“No, he’s not Alice,” Jervis agreed. Comparing the two people would be like comparing apples to oranges. Or butter to marmalade. Of feeling on the outside of the looking-glass peering in to finally being a part of the inhabitants of the world.  _ The very difference between night and day itself.  _ However… there was one factor to consider, the constant between the two.

“Jonathan’s not Alice, but I’m still  **me.** ” The Englishman concluded, defeat hitting him hard. “Is madness not the mere notion of knowing one’s mistakes, of knowing what to avoid, and still falling into old habits time and time again? ‘ _ We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re-’ _ ” Here Hatter cut himself off, knowing his friend wasn’t one to enjoy that label. He carried on. “ **HE’S** mad. And he’ll be  _ very mad _ if… if he were to find out-”

Pacing came to an halt as Jervis’ eyes were wide, a new panic hitting him.

“Oh no! Oh no, Edward, we share a  **BED!** I… I can’t be that close to someone I have  **FEELINGS** for!  _ It’s improper! _ ”

What was once logical-- sharing body heat as there was no way to keep the old factory well insulated for his Hare to not catch his death of cold, the man being nothing but skin and bones-- suddenly seemed all kinds of inappropriate. Of…  _ of uncalled for! _ Jervis found himself jumping across the board, latching onto one issue then the next, as all the reasons why him developing feelings was the most irrational thing the foolish old Hatter could have done!

"...See, Jervis, this would be that definition of madness if you were going to deliberately  **choose** to put him under your control so that he didn't go out and talk to anyone else anymore." Edward replied reasonably. "Emotions are things we have that yell directions from the backseat, but that doesn't mean you're doomed to hand over the reins: you're still the one steering the carriage. Sometimes they make good suggestions, sometimes bad, but one of the main differences here is that you now know what happens if you take every turn down that particular road. There were forks at every stage, and you made your choices. But what if you took different turns?"

With a shake of his head, Edward set aside his teacup. "Moreover, why would he be angry? He deals in feelings and the human psyche: there's no crime in not-hating sharing a bed. And I assume, judging by your lack of a black eye, that you haven't been fresh with him. You haven't done any harm just by liking him, Jervis. What would hurt him is what you do about it, should you choose to go off the handle."

Madness, in Edward's opinion, was a matter of chemicals, mood, and thought. He could control precisely one of those through willpower, and by the sickens, he believed everyone could at least try. No matter how the demons howl, one mustn't let them win.

Different turns? That… was an aspect of the equation the Englishman hadn’t even thought of being a possibility-- one was more used to the old adage: ‘ _ a leopard can't change its spots’. _ To Hatter it had simply been a case of if A occurs it will lead to B, followed by C, which always equates to the same end:  _ being alone and miserable _ . Losing what he once **had** . But the thought… the  _ very idea _ …

“You… think that’s possible?” Jervis asked, hopefully. “It’s true I haven’t done anything… uncouth. I like to think I’m better than  **THAT.** ” He liked to consider himself a gentleman, after all. “I… I don’t  _ wish _ to cause him harm. Carded or otherwise. Jonathan makes a better Hare than a pawn, after all.”

Hatter couldn’t help but recall Batman’s words he once shouted, thoughts that echoed through his mind time and time again whenever the past caught up to him: “ _ Then all you've waited for is a puppet... A soulless little doll. _ ”

Jervis Tetch was done dealing with dolls. What he wanted was an equal. A friend. What he wanted… was Jonathan Crane to remain the way he was.

"I deal in puzzles and riddles, Jervis." Edward grinned, a twinkle in his eye. "If there's one thing I can hang my hat on, it's the ability to look at something differently and find another solution. In this case, it's simple: if you don't want to do him harm, don't do harmful things. Be respectful of his work, his personhood, and his thoughts and feelings...just like you always have. Besides, there's no need to change what's working out well, you know. Don't replace a part that isn't breaking."

That… was true. There was no reason anything  **HAD** to change between Jonathan and Jervis. Why, just because he now knew what was going on within himself-- had the proper way to process what emotions were at play, and where they derived from-- it didn’t mean he had to act upon them in any way, shape, or form. Why… things were wonderful the way they were, were they not? There was no reason to go muck about with the way things were between Hatta and Haigha. No reason to bring up this insignificant matter to the likes of the Scarecrow at all. Yes, it was as Edward said… he could choose how to carry out his affections.

_ No reason to purposefully seek out rejection, after all.  _

The start of a smile began to return to the Englishman’s face, as he made his way back towards the sofa.

“Yes, I think you have a point, dear Dormouse.” Back to the nickname, back to the light atmosphere that Jervis usually craved between the two of them. “Things needn’t change. I… I will continue to treat the man as I’ve always have.  _ It’s the least I can do for him. _ ”

A genuine air of gratitude exuded from Tetch in waves, as he leaned forward from his seat to gently place a hand on top of his host’s.

“Thank you for the assistance in piecing this together, Edward. It may not have been an answer I was  _ expecting, _ ” an understatement. “Yet… ‘Tis better to know one’s enemy, than to fight blindly in the thicket of the unknown. So again, thank you, I think I know where to handle myself from here. “

“There, see? You can just appreciate each other’s company, no need to panic.” Edward chuckled fondly, patting Jervis’ hand in turn. “There’s no problem with liking one another: all for the better that you do, since you’re  _ living _ together. Now that you know what’s happening, you can enjoy having feelings for him!”

Someone ought to.

Edward wondered if perhaps he ought to ask Jonatha-, no, no. In this house, we respect our colleagues’ privacy: never dig unduly.

“Crushes can be fun. Let it be springtime, Jervis. Bloom.”

“Ah, and take that away from the resident botanist of our circle? _ I know it’s best to leave blooming to the Tiger Lily. _ ”

Still, the joke hit home with its merriment, as Jervis went to take back his cup-- his tea nearly forgotten during his strife. Finally taking one of the Jaffa cakes to sample, the Englishman decided it was time to take the metaphorical heat off of himself.

“Now enough about me, my dear.  _ Tell me a story, Dormouse.  _ I think I’d like to hear about what’s going on with you these days, if you wouldn’t mind divulging a thing or two.”

“A story, hm?” Edward hummed, brows raised as he began gathering the frayed thoughts arrayed around them into a splendid new yarn. 

He had  _ such _ tales to tell.


End file.
